My grandfather died last night. His heart failed yesterday afternoon, and we all went to visit him in the hospital, but the doctor told us it was only a matter of time. He was on a respirator, his heart rhythms were declining as we watched, and he started making the posturing movements that the doctor told us was indicative of the beginning of brain death.

I got the call early this morning; I'm going to meet my family to go to the funeral home in an hour or so. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. Sad, certainly, and a little bit shell-shocked, but I think I said my goodbyes last night, even if he couldn't hear me. I'm also entirely exhausted- I only had four hours the night before last, I got the call an hour into my post-work nap yesterday afternoon, and thanks to insomnia and tear-irritated eyes I only got about six hours last night before Mom called me in today. I think if I'm a little bit numb, it's because my brain isn't quite capable of processing yet.

I only wish that he'd held on for a few days more. I was going to go visit them Monday, and now I'll never have that one last chance.

Next weekend my mother and I go up to Baltimore to visit my other set of grandparents. My granfather up there is in failing health as well, and I don't know how long we'll have him either. I missed my one last chance with Gappy, but I'm not going to do it with Pop-Pop.

I'm so tired.